Johnny Manziel beats Bob Menery in Battle of Dad Bods

Former Heisman winner and Browns first-rounder Johnny Manziel made his MMA debut on Saturday, against an influencer named Bob Menery.

Manziel won easily. Anyone who spent two minutes and sixteen seconds of their lives watching the fight lost.

It was, quite frankly, a Battle of Dad Bods. Two guys with limited skills in a fight that looked like something that broke out at the back end of a barbecue where both had consumed too much brisket and too much beer.

Manziel, a former pro athlete who outweighed Menery by (as Menery claimed after the fight) 30 pounds, seemed to stun Menery early with multiple kicks (including one that almost connected to Menery’s face) before taking Menery down and never letting him get up. Manziel eventually wailed away with blows to the head. At one point, Manziel seemed to be on the verge of deploying the time-honored “stop hitting yourself” technique.

Eventually, the referee stepped in and stopped the madness.

“I need a cigarette,” Manziel said after the fight.

After watching it, I need a Manhattan.

Manziel said his first MMA fight was likely his last one. That’s the best news of all.